Falling is love sounds easy, right?
I want to talk about romantic relationships, which I am afraid to say rather scare me. Tying yourself to another person to spend a significant amount of time with over a significant number of years. Wow. Scary. I might not be a typical women (Is that sexist?) in that sense, because I have strong commitment issues. Not to my friends, my community, my gymnasts or anything else. Just to romantic relationships. It overwhelms me sometimes, but to be honest a side of me also doesn’t want to spend all eternity alone neither. So how do I get over these commitment issues? Where do commitment issues root?
I could count numerous possible reasons, such as losing my mother at a young age, having an absent and fickle father or getting a divorce 6 months after marriage, but that all lays the ‘blame’ outside of my reach. Why is the fear of a relationship greater than the possible reward of it? Have I zoned out? Is the risk just too great to take? Am I scared of getting hurt or of hurting other people? And isn’t that kind of inevitable?
And when do you decide the risk is worth it to take? Having ended a year long relationship for ‘lack of being in love’ with all the downs that break ups end to entail, I ask myself: “When do you decide to go for it?” If you don’t fall in love easily, you find that stepping into relationships might be more of a rational thing you decide. You ask for yourself if you like the person, if you think he or she is compatible and if you might have the possibility of any kind of future together. This kind of takes away the magic and if eventually don’t fall in love, might end on a rather sour note.
And then there is that slightly desperate, but nevertheless present fear of never falling in love again. This is a bit melodramatic at 28 right? Right? Please say yes. :)