Live your best life!
About a year and a half ago I left a life I had been building for 5 years. A self I had been building for years suddenly didn’t feel quite right anymore. The realization of not being where you want to be, not being who you want to be is one that seeps through slowly. But when that moment has arrived where you either choose to continue and act like nothing is wrong or turn around completely hits you like a brick. And after you made that choice, that in all honestly feels a disaster either way, you look at the ruin you build and then destroyed for a while. Staring at the damage like a stranger who just walked by and said ‘What the hell happened here?’. Yeah, what the hell happened? You keep asking yourself
Your mind, kind as it is, sets up some coping mechanisms. You throw yourself into work, or sports or whatever you need to numb out the feelings you have on the wreckage you made. And I can tell you that anesthesia can be a real friend at times. Maybe the closest friend you have at times, always ready to offer you help. Another glass of wine maybe?
After a while it may come to dawn on you on a sunny spring morning, that you kind of want to quit drugging yourself. You stop thinking about the ruin and start dreaming of the new things you could build. And with anesthesia in the drawer calling your name, you can’t really focus. You need to get rid of it. You need to remove the coping mechanisms you built into your life, because now they are holding you back instead of protecting you. The things that were distracting you before to keep your mind off of the storm inside, are now distracting you of reaching those new dreams. They are holding you back, wanting to keep you occupied as much as they can, just like they did before.
And now you need to shed those ‘friends’ that have kept you sane for so long. You need to stop working like a maniac, or binge-watching reality TV, or going to the gym 5 times a week, or focusing only on your kids, or devouring books or overeating. It’s time to look at yourself again. Open. No barriers. No protection. Just you and your dreams, fears, desires, character flaws and whatever there is left.
It’s time to be brave again. Go for happiness and abandon the grief, fear and anesthesia that is holding you back. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. (E.Gilbert)