Divorce. The Art Of Letting Go.
What is divorce? A broken commitment for sure. The end of something. The parting of two lives that were once intertwined. But in reality? I am not a particular religious person, so nothing more than the end of a relationship, right? I asked myself what makes divorce one of the most hateful words.
Divorce is the end of a committed relationship. Yes, probably a pretty long one. But no one expects you to take a year to get over a relationship. For a divorce a year is almost mandatory. How come the marriage part makes it so complicated? Is it the one day in the sun you shared?
As I feel the weight of my own divorce pressing down on my life. I tend to get hard on myself: We didn’t even have children! Stop being such a wuss. We were only married a few months! Why is it that my ‘getting over the divorce’ takes longer than the marriage itself in my case? And in general what makes divorce so painful? Even without the children. Even without the properties. I cannot even imagine that. Just the heartbreak is quite enough for me.
I wonder if the marriage factor makes it this hard or if break-ups are always this painful. I never had a big one before, so how would I know. Is it the fact that you made a commitment to yourself and another person that you are breaking? Is it the fact that other people are involved in the wreckage? Though this is probably always the case. Or is it the fact you are losing someone you imprinted on yourself as being the one and only? I guess this could also be the case with a committed relationship.
Maybe the illusion you had of yourself lays shattered on the ground like broken pieces of glass. Like Cinderella at 12. The thing, the commitment that you once held close to your heart is now a shard of it, creating a big hole where comfort used to be. Where security used to be. The fact you have to let go of one reality of yourself and find out what the new one will be.
Maybe you didn’t choose, like I did, maybe someone chose for you, like I did. The shard remains the same. The disillusionment remains the same. The fact remains the same. Only anger is replaced by guilt. And sadness stays sadness.
But what makes divorce so damn ugly? I would say it is the love that is lost and turned sour. It’s the unexpected betrayal of each other, and of your friends & family, who are bound to pick sides. It’s the loss of a reality and the finding of a new in the knowledge it can fall apart. It’s the losing of naivety and of faith. It’s tearing up the thing you have woven so lovingly together and looking at the ugly pieces afterwards.
But then new beginnings can spring to life out of nowhere. And love that is lost will ultimately be replaced. By love you have for yourself, for your friends, for your children, for you family. I guess I am not trying to look at losing love anymore, but rather at letting it find new ways to express itself.