What Is Passion In Life?
When I am tired, and nothing seems interesting enough to stay awake for. When the hours I am teaching gymnastics amount to more than I can handle. When I am screaming at my girls to point their toes and my voice is soar. When I wash my hair, but tie it up into a ponytail anyway. When it is 30 degrees outside, but I put on some pants, just because I don’t want to make an effort. When I get home at 22.00 and crawl into bed with some nachos and salsa. When I call my friends and crap all over them about my life. These are the moments I feel I am lacking passion for my life.
When I get up at 8 am on a Saturday and go running for an hour. When I curl my hair for a girls’ night out. When I send my gymnasts pictures of the new element they learned and compliment them on their hard work. When I make an effort and prepare my lunch the night before. When I have time to cook and have a glass of wine. When I call my friends to ask them how they are doing. When I get in early at work and the day flies by effortlessly. When I get way too enthusiastic about a project. When I am planning my next trip. These are the moments I feel I have passion for my life.
I have a friend who always badgers me with the phrase ‘Passion is everything honey’. And that makes me wonder if that is really the case. What I am really passionate about? Gymnastics. That’s for sure. I can’t ever see it not being a part of my life. My friends? Yes, I love them to bits that’s a given. Guys? I have been passionate about a guy, definitely. Travel? Yes, I can’t even image my life without travel. But does that make my life passionate? What does passion even mean? “Strong and barely controllable emotion”
When did I last feel a strong but barely controllable emotion?
- When I competed in gymnastics that was all I could think about. A bad training meant a bad day. A good training meant a good day.
- When I had to organize a big event at work, all I could think about was that event. It had to be perfection.
- When I fell in love and the only thing I could think about is that person. Your whole life seems to revolve around the 'you being in love' part. Food? Not as important. Work? Not as important.
But can we combine those passions constantly in one person? If passion is everything, that would be immensely tiring I’d imagine. So what does passion in life mean? Does it mean everything you do, everything you are has to come from a strong desire and conviction. Is there no place in life for halfsies?
I feel like nowadays I try to avoid any ‘strong and barely controllable emotions’. The good and the bad. Because surely that is a part of growing-up. But does that mean that we lose the kind of passion we used to have as children? That passion when you get a lolly pop or when a boy says he likes you. That passion when you have a fight with a friend and sit up all night crying. Is that kind of passion only supportable if you have a mom or a dad who can pick you up afterwards and dust you off?
Is passion unavoidably linked to risk? Is putting you heart on the line about anything not a seriously dangerous endeavour? Have I stopped to take the risks all together? Or is being passioned about cooking and having a glass of wine, passion enough now?
Is passion a rollercoaster you have to take or is it okay not having to take every ride?
I would say for now I am lacking passion in my life. Something I used to take for granted, because I was so full of it. So why am I having a hard time awaking that spark again nowadays? Have I forgotten who I used to be or have I forsaken her all together? Because I used to not care about getting hurt, because it was part of the journey. But now, when I have to pick myself up, and I have nobody to do it for me, is the risk just too hard to manage?